The Waiting Game

I mentioned in one of my first posts that when the NICU doctors kept using the word “months” in reference to the length of time Luna Bell might be in the hospital, I was indignant, even a little angry that they would even think that it would take my little superhero months to be well enough to go home. But after two months in the hospital, the reality of “months” was now like a punch to the face.

Luna Bell was doing well, all things considered. She was finally extubated, she was growing and she was a relatively happy baby for being stuck in a hospital bed and not being allowed to do all the things that babies her age should be doing. Now that she was extubated, I believed that we were thisclose to getting her home. But we still had a road ahead of us. Her lungs were still not doing all they should be doing, she still needed help keeping her oxygen levels up and she was still struggling. This part of our hospital stay was a lot of waiting. A lot. The daily questions between Kevin and myself as we did our check in’s with each other depending on who was with Luna Bell, was how is she? What are her stats today? How is she breathing? Is she happy today? Did you get to hold her? The answers varied, as they would for any baby. Some days she was breathing really well and her levels were great, some days she was struggling a little more and not happy about it. This part of the NICU story gets a little mundane…almost boring. There were no longer the high highs and the low lows. We were just seeing how she was doing every day and letting her continue to heal and grow and get stronger. About 2 weeks after Luna Bell was extubated and put on a c-pap, she was moved from the critical NICU to the NICU. This was a huge move. Literally to a different part of the hospital, the newer part where we had a huge room! There was bathroom in her room, a pull out couch we could sleep on if we wanted, the ability to eat our meals in the room and a tv that played little programs for kids, soothing videos with music and movies for kids. Where was this room when she wasn’t doing well at all?! Where was this room when we didn’t want to leave her on nights she was having a rough time? We got over the frustration of not having this luxurious room before and just enjoyed ourselves. Some days she was racing to the finish line, and other days she just maintained, but we could see that finish line. It may have only been through binoculars, but we could see it. Until we reached it, we would keep playing the waiting game.

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